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Okay, so this article is all about Bat Fuck Insanity. I think. Looking at such a thing from a meta sense, you get a long, in-jokey history involving vandalism, cleanup and pure insanity. Looking at such a thing from a proper sense, you get insanity, with bats and sexual intercourse. The term comes from the Latin Defleitermousix Fornix Propheticia, but all I ever wanted was the flap, and she wouldn't give it to me and they just keep on buggin' me and it builds up inside, IT BUILDS UP INSIDE, just like a bad case of BAT FUCK INSANEEEE! In other words, you shouldn't be here. Bat Fuck Insane will now throttle you for such heinous crimes.

One of the first cases of bat fuck insanity in recorded history was that of Gregorius Androgynous, who went bat fuck insane in the year 103 AD. He devoured himself, starting with the head (which he roasted with shallots and pinion nuts) and continuing with the BAT FUCK INSANE tripes, which he pulled from the stump of his own neck. "Gurgghggh!" he said calmly – in classical Egyptian no less. His friends, Romans, countrymen and other passers by were horrified as his decapitated and partially disemboweled body strolled around the Forum and attended baseball games at the Coliseum. Finally the Senate approved his execution and they hurled a hopelessly insane Gregorius into the Defleitermousix Fornix Asyluminatica for the unforgivable crime of drinking white wine instead of red wine while eating himself. There he vitiateed whilst attempting to stuff Fermat's Last Theorem up a stoat (a weasel is totally different, honest). (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured)

... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder?
... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?

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In the news [edit]

Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States

The Kremlin: Vladimir Putin "totally didn't participate in a Pride parade, nothing to see here.."
Donald Trump found GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES (Pictured), soon to debut "prison orange" business suit
Antarctica becomes embroiled in upside-down flag controversy
Michael Jackson comes back to life
Justin Bieber gives birth to a baby, baby, baby, oooh
Switzerland wins Eurovision
- Netherlands disqualified in final shocker
YouTube is dead
D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud · Israel-Hamas conflict
Recent deaths: Roger Corman · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman · Kabosu · Richard M. Sherman (Disney musician) · Doug Ingle · Bill Walton
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · Drake's sanity

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On this day [edit]

June 11: Ontological Empiricism Day

1770 - Captain James Cook wonders whether the Great Barrier Reef actually "exists", or is simply a bundle of sense-data, which is "perceived" by most to be a coral reef.
1922 - The Society of Post-postmodernism declares Ontological Empiricism shallow and pedantic.
1945 - The last day Kyle was seen.... Have you seen Kyle ?
1963 - A Buddhist monk, promoting his new line of fireproof clothing, performs a public demonstration by setting himself on fire in a crowded Saigon street.
1980 - Republican attempts to redraw Delaware's 4th Congressional District inadvertently lead to the first Shiba Inu elected congressman! He hates women.
2007 - The inventor of Ontological Empiricism is punched in the face by God.
2015 - A massive mudslide doesn't kill several dozen poor people in Bangladesh.

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