User:TheLick/Main Page

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Today's featured article

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Hello, reader. It seems you have found this article whilst browsing half-heartedly through the Uncyclopedia bookshelf. However, this article is incredibly depressing; I myself sometimes cry like a baby at night, my face slowly vanishing from existence, because of the horrors of this article.

My name is Lemony Snicket, and I am the socially insecure author of an extremely melancholy series of books. I have also written this article, which happens to be about said books. I have promised to inform the public of this terrible tale, no matter how sad I may get, but if you are interested in articles with happy endings, you would certainly be better off reading some other article, for example one about innocent little kittens, or perhaps something about a 19th-century poet whose works are no doubt more uplifting than mine. That way, you would never have to know about A Series of Unfortunate Events, all of which are documented below.

This particular tale is one of misery and woe. Some people think it is over-the-top and dramatic, but those people don't understand what it's like to lose a loved one, or become an outlaw, or win a Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award — you just want more and more, you smarmy bastards! Shame on you! Shame on you all for ever clicking on the link that took you to this depressing article in the first place! Um, anyway, its main characters are three sad children who must face burden after burden in order to finally settle down happily. They are constantly stalked by a wheezing, greedy, evil old man named Count Olaf, and are surrounded by adults who do not understand their problems. (Full article...)

Did you know?

Drowning.jpg
  • ... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured)
  • ... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
  • ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
  • ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
  • ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
  • ... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
  • ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
  • ... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?

In the news

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Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States

On this day

Showing off on his motorcycle to some high school chicks would seal his fate.

June 2: Doris Day

Picture of the day

Not Pink Elephants
 One Out of Ten Doctors agree: There are no pink elephants in this picture.

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 37,698 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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